I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
