I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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