I can tuck mytits in my pants
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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