If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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