Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
