The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
