I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
