When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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