the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
