one two three fourrrrnication!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
