Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
