I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Of course I have a pirate flag
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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