You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
