Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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