A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I smell like Dick and happiness
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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