My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize