Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
