i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
