So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
