Where are you?
In a non slutty way
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
