My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
