how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
