I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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