I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
