Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
