I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
