We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
