Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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