so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
