"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
