I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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