Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
