my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
