I met the friendliest cop last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
