i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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