Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
