have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
