i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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