woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
