The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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