Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
