the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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