I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
