Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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