He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
