oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
