Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Pooping to opera.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
