I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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