i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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