Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
