Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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