my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
