The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
