he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
