i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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