I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
