if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
