Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
