In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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