Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
