Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
