Can i not drive my cunt home
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
