my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
