:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
