All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
