2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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