im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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