Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize