Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
