Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
