she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
