I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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